Hey, if Elvis could get his pompadour trimmed to go into the Army, surely the next G.I. Joe can lose the earrings. Actually, he'll have to: senior Army officials have come up with 17 new grooming regulations with the intention of becoming a more oppressive - sorry, a more professional - outfit. Among the new no-nos: piercings, tattoos above the neckline or below the wrist and talking on a cellphone while walking. Cosmetics are out for men, fake nails and fake eyelashes for women. If you think you can talk your way around the new regs, try to have a better argument than the soldier who told officers her purple hair was actually auburn. What is this? Don't masque, don't tell?