Brainiacs suffer tech bungle, admit Einstein was right

Brainiacs at the European Organization for Nuclear Research, also known as CERN, have admitted to the tech fail of the century, telling us what we all instinctively knew already: Einstein was right. Their initial claim last year that subatomic particles could travel faster than light sparked science enthusiasts' imaginations everywhere: Was time travel possible? The researchers have now discovered their test equipment was faulty, meaning their data was flawed. We more levelheaded folks always sided with physics grand master Jim al-Khalili, who vowed to eat his boxer shorts on TV if Einstein was proven wrong. We're glad Einstein hasn't been knocked off his pedestal -- but sorry not to see al-Khalili eat his underwear.