CDC reassures the public that zombies don't exist

People eating people seems to be happening a lot of late, and other people are unnerved. In the past, the Centers for Disease Control has winkingly published zombie survival guides. But the recent spate of snacking on our fellow man has caused some to half-jokingly wonder if a zombie apocalypse is about to descend upon us. Fear not, for the CDC announced today that there is no known zombie virus. "CDC does not know of a virus or condition that would reanimate the dead (or one that would present zombie-like symptoms)," CDC spokesman David Daigle said. Guess it's safe to leave our bunker now.