Duggar mom's secret to long marriage is wifely submission

I've been married nearly 41 years. Neither of us is submissive. We each have different strengths and different weaknesses, and as a couple we use our strengths to our advantage. I guess that makes us equal, and we like it that way.

Having been married for 31 years, I have a different perspective of a good marriage.  Some keys to a good marriage that works for Us...
1.  Work as a team
2.  Husband must be the bread winner and Wife be the nurturer.  Help your husband financially for the little stuff but let him lead.
3.  Never go to sleep without telling each other how much you love them.  It's so important.
4.  Always find room for improvement.  Never settle for feeling that you don't need to grow within your relationship.
5.  Children are a gift.  They are our future but having children to strenghten your marriage is not a responsible decision.  2 or 3 are plenty.  Nurture them and teach them the core values of life.  And always remember, lead by example.
6.  When you get married, remember it's a three party promise... his, hers and our heavenly Father.  Every decision you make, think about what our Father would do.  Cheating and physical abuse is unacceptable and are grounds for a divorce.  Everything else can be worked out.

I hope that our reality shows don't misguide our youths of today.  Marriage is hard work but if you both work on it  with a strong relationship with our Heavenly Father, anything is possible.

The thing that bothers me is that some people say that she's not hurting anyone.  It would seem that she may be though, namely her own kids.  For one thing, every time she has problems with a pregnancy and the kids are told about it, and told to pray for her, they are being put through some unnecessary stress, knowing that they could lose their mother, or that something could happen to the baby.  Also, having so many kids, it would seem that not all of them could possibly get the attention that they may need, in turn possibly causing some resentment or anger.

I know from experience, seeing a family member with the same kind of attitude that this woman has, who had so many kids that turned out angry, resentful, abusive, etc.. They looked all polished, good, kind, etc.. on the outside, for show, when people were watching, but behind backs, they were quite different.

As for the marriage advice... I've been married for almost 30 years now to the same person, and we believe in working through everything together, equally, with respect for each others feelings, needs, etc.. We've had our ups and downs, but have worked through them all, and our marriage is just as strong if not stronger than when we first started out.  We've been learning and growing together without either being the dominant one in the household.

If one person in a marriage is getting more respect and better treatment, and their needs are being met more than the other, then the other could eventually become resentful, angry, disillusioned, hurt, etc..  I've heard of that happening in relationships, from friends and family.  Obviously there are many divorces because of that.

MUTUAL RESPECT, decency, kindness, tact, halfway decent communication skills, and of course love, etc.. are the keys to a good and lasting marriage.  Having some common interests helps a bit too.

As for not telling about mistakes, if people are never told about their mistakes, how will they ever learn, grow, or change?  Some people misuse and abuse so many others, or submit others to their problems, fits, rage, whatever, because no one will tell them of their mistakes, (usually out of fear, because of how the person made them feel).  That's wrong and causes a lot of undue stress, heartache, etc..

Using some tact and diplomacy, anyone could be told what they do wrong without causing any major problems.  Of course there's just no reasoning with some people, so in cases where there's no reasoning, and/or they won't get counseling, it's probably best to just get away from them, or stay away from them, if possible, to reduce stress levels.  Too much stress is no good for anyone.

It would be good if this couple would have a little more common sense, but I do wish them well. They do need prayers for guidance, logic, well-being, etc... for their whole family.  In these days of financial concerns, overpopulation, pollution, etc...it would be wise to consider the number of children and people that are being brought into it and added to it.

Here's a quote from the Bible, "..try the spirits, whether they are of God..".  Is it really God that's guiding them to have so many babies, or something else?  Just something to consider.

And that's my 2 cents worth, if anyone lasted long enough to read this long post.
:o)

Since I've been married 40 years I feel I can give you some of my advice.  Although, I don't follow the path you girls are on I certainly respect you for yours, however, I feel very different about what makes a good marriage.  Certainly I don't ever feel I need to be submissive since our relationship is built on being equals as humans.  Our life is shared because of our intellectual decision making that includes all area of our lives....we have raised TWO extremely happy children in a home that not only provides this as a model but a philosophy that includes kindness and insight to the suffering of our world.  Please think about this in feeling that your path is the only way to be in life because it seems that we only learn from others mistakes instead of truly looking at our own and how we can learn to be more compassionate and kind.  Submissiveness is disrespect for humankind...we are all equal!