Unpatriotic woodchucks behind flag-stealing spree

Authorities in Hudson, N.Y., were relieved to find out the dastardly thieves that had been stealing flags from their town's Civil War graves were not of the two-legged variety. Police used cameras to discover that woodchucks, or groundhogs, were sneaking off with the flags and hiding them in their burrows. Woodchucks are apparently "excellent burrowers," which explains why nobody cottoned on to their thieving ways until they had stolen around 75 flags in the time leading up to and after July the Fourth. The flags were coated with a substance that attracts woodchucks, so the furry little criminals weren't just redecorating.